Keep Calm and Carry On January 23, 2009

(My Original Blog Post: http://seriouslyawkward.com/2009/01/23/keep-calm-and-carry-on/)
So, re: the last entry. My finger is still pushed down pretty firmly on the reset button. Baby steps are being made. Tentative, wobbly baby steps towards things that are important, and hopefully that does not lead to me metaphorically smashing my metaphorical head off all the metaphorical furniture with the sharpest metaphorical corners. I most likely set far, far too many goals for this year, but in a weird way, I had to set all the ways I need to change down on paper so that they would stop careening off the inside of my skull at such a high frequency. So even if I don’t get everything I’d like done, then I know what to start working on for next year. Plus, I REALLY love having an excuse to play with Excel spreadsheets. Once a geek, always a geek.

Things I have successfully done so far:
Paid off my credit card
Started a webpage
Keeping a one sentence per day journal of the dead paper variety
Got new health insurance since dad’s doesn’t apply when I’m not in school
Read voraciously (I have read embarrassingly few novels in the past couple of years)
Spending 30 minutes a day, as soon as I wake up getting the apartment tidied so I don’t get hit with that crippling paralysis that comes from being overwhelmed by clutter
Started turning the computer room into more of a cozy office (this will take a few months to complete since it requires Kijiji hunting for furniture and a few trips to Staples and Home Depot)
Started investing my tax free savings into indexed mutual funds
Got my credit report, and made an action plan to improve my credit score in the next year
Started seriously discussing getting a mortgage in the next two years with Sean due to housing prices dropping towards an affordable level
Had a few consultations at the Mental Health Centre
Created a debt snowball which is not nearly as fun as creating a snow snowball

Things I need to get on top of:
Pursuing the medicated route now that I’m insured again. I still sway back and forth on what I should do for this, because my days either go along the lines of “Oh, what was I thinking, I’m fine” to “OH GOD I CAN’T BREATHE BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING DITZY IN FRONT OF MY COWORKERS AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS I’M AN IDIOT OR AN ALIEN OR BOTH AHHHHHHHHHH *head explodes*” In other words, social anxiety is through the roof.
Writing regularly for the website, and just for fun too
Getting back into weightlifting again; it really stabilizes my moods
Stop eating so much takeout; Pita Pit, my love, it’s not you it’s me.
Get glasses
Make an effort to be more social
Finish the home office
Set aside the moola to take drivers ed, and then…gulp, take drivers ed and get my license
Get this Brittany’s Mouth is a Disaster ordeal over with
Have at least 1000$ in my RRSP, 1000$ in my tax free mutual funds, and the beginnings of an emergency fund
Pay off 3K of my student line of credit

Yes, I know, there is a major focus on finances+mental health+writing going on. The attention to finances is, well, primarily due to that inconvenient “Oh shit, I am an adult now aren’t I” fact that is hard to avoid. And the writing and the mental health? Well, I’m embarrassed by the former, and deeply ashamed of the latter, so I suppose this is my effort to not be such a secretive douche about those parts of my life that take up leagues of my internal world but that I hardly ever speak of.

There are a million other little things too that I’d like to implement and work on, but those are the Big Leagues of the Resolution Game 09′. Plus it is past midnight and I have a hankering for a PB sandwich and some tea. So, I’ll leave with this:

“Too many of us wait to do the perfect thing, with the result we do nothing. The way to get ahead is to start now. While many of us are waiting until conditions are “just right” before we go ahead, others are stumbling along, fortunately ignorant of the dangers that beset them. By the time we are, in our superior wisdom, decided to make a start, we discover that those who have gone fearlessly on before, have, in their blundering way, traveled a considerable distance. If you start now, you will know a lot next year that you don’t know now, and that you will not know next year, if you wait.”

January 23, 2009

[Blog] Keep Calm and Carry On: So, re: the last entry. My finger is still pushed down pretty firmly on the reset b… http://s3nt.com/b3dk

January 23, 2009

[Blog] Pressing the Reset Button on Life: I’ve had a lot to think about the past few days. Having such a nice, lon… http://s3nt.com/b3c9

Pressing the Reset Button on Life January 23, 2009

(My Original Blog Post: http://seriouslyawkward.com/2008/12/26/pressing-the-reset-button-on-life/)
I’ve had a lot to think about the past few days. Having such a nice, long rest at home has been good on several levels…my head feels cleared in a lot of ways. It’s weird to think though; as much as I love the city, I’ll always feel this tug to be home. It’s like, when I sit in my apartment at 3AM and can’t sleep because I’m running the same problems, the same scenarios through my head over and over, I never come to a solution. And then I go home and spend an hour sitting out on the deck, bundled up in coats and blankets, smoking and listening to the ice snap branches off in the woods, and all the answers come. The familiarity of it used to be smothering, and sometimes it still is. But other times I just want to wrap myself up tight in these stolen moments at home, and hang on to them for dear life.

I need to focus. I need to stop fucking around. I can’t let anything or anyone get in my way anymore. I want my life to be in order. I’m 23, and its far from too late to get on top of things now. I want my life to be different. More then anything else in the world, I do NOT want to be mediocre. I don’t necessarily want to be rich, but I’ll be fucking damned if I end up with a boring life that goes along the lines of wake up, eat, work, sleep, die. And as weird as it sounds coming from me of all people, I need to internalize; I need to turn myself inward so that I stop getting distracted, and I need to let go.

Focus. Breathe. Grit my teeth and GO.

Apartments Just Don’t Smell Like Christmas December 18, 2008

(My Original Blog Post: http://seriouslyawkward.com/2008/12/18/apartments-just-dont-smell-like-christmas/)
There are exactly three days standing between me and a cozy spot in front of my parent’s fireplace, unceasingly eating peanut butter balls like they’re going out of style.  THREE. MORE.DAYS. I’m not sure what it is, but I never feel even slightly excited about Christmas until I walk in the door of the ol’ childhood home and my Grinchy-ness is overcome by a triple smackdown of delicious baking smells, decorations plastered everywhere, and the ridiculously over-sized tree that occupies a a good third of the livingroom. Needless to say, I am pretty excited about finally being able to get into the ‘spirit’ here shortly.

I did manage to conquer my Christmas shopping this year with near military efficiency; my gift list was compiled at the start of December, and I only needed two shopping trips and a three hour marathon of wrapping to be done with the presents. Aside from stocking stuffers for S, I can pretty much put my wallet away for the rest of the season and take it easy. EXCEPT of course, for my dad and I’s yearly Christmas Eve tradition, better known as “Father-and-Daughter-Shopping-on-Christmas-Eve-At-The-Last-Minute-Because-Dad- is-a-Horrible-Procrastinator Extravaganza”. Yes, it really IS as fun as it sounds.

I also plan on carving out some time during break to work on this. A self imposed ‘Annual Review’ seems like a much more grounded alternative to making New Year’s resolutions, plus Chris Guillebeau is even swell enough to throw in a free spreadsheet to take all the work out of it for you.

December 18, 2008

[Blog] Apartments Just Don’t Smell Like Christmas: There are exactly three days standing between me and a cozy spo… http://s3nt.com/a7w2

Globe and Mail: Parliament shut down till Jan. 26 December 4, 2008

Globe and Mail: Parliament shut down till Jan. 26

thedailywhat:

Stephen Harper gets desperate:

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has obtained Governor-General Michaëlle Jean’s consent to temporarily shut down Parliament, a move that allows him to avoid a confidence vote next week that he was expected to lose.

It’s a blow for the Liberal-NDP coalition, backed by the separatist Bloc Québécois, that was seeking to replace the minority Conservative goverment.

The development buys time for Mr. Harper to assemble an economic package that he hopes will discourage the multiparty alliance from taking him down at that time.

In response to the move, Liberal Leader Stéphane Dion, who would become PM if the Tory-led gov’t falls, said Harper was “running away,” and that only a “monumental change” would get him to withdraw his bid to overthrow Harper.

Harper really is one of the most divisive PM’s we’ve seen in a long time…here’s to hoping we’re on our way to finding a stable, representative government ASAP.

Harper ‘lies’ about coalition details: Broadbent December 3, 2008

Harper ‘lies’ about coalition details: Broadbent

Why Twitter Turned Down Facebook December 3, 2008

Why Twitter Turned Down Facebook – Bits Blog – NYTimes.com

I’m big on the Twitter love, and I can sort of see why they avoided being swallowed up by Facebook…but they still don’t have a business model that allows them to make profit yet. C’mon Twitter, harnass  what you have going for you!

I feel this is an appropriate amount of books to own December 1, 2008

lickystickypicky:

In spite of me being almost 24/7 on the internet, my love for books has not diminished. In a room like this I’d be at peace. (via visualize.us)

I could die happy in this room.