(My Original Blog Post: http://seriouslyawkward.com/2008/12/26/pressing-the-reset-button-on-life/)
I’ve had a lot to think about the past few days. Having such a nice, long rest at home has been good on several levels…my head feels cleared in a lot of ways. It’s weird to think though; as much as I love the city, I’ll always feel this tug to be home. It’s like, when I sit in my apartment at 3AM and can’t sleep because I’m running the same problems, the same scenarios through my head over and over, I never come to a solution. And then I go home and spend an hour sitting out on the deck, bundled up in coats and blankets, smoking and listening to the ice snap branches off in the woods, and all the answers come. The familiarity of it used to be smothering, and sometimes it still is. But other times I just want to wrap myself up tight in these stolen moments at home, and hang on to them for dear life.
I need to focus. I need to stop fucking around. I can’t let anything or anyone get in my way anymore. I want my life to be in order. I’m 23, and its far from too late to get on top of things now. I want my life to be different. More then anything else in the world, I do NOT want to be mediocre. I don’t necessarily want to be rich, but I’ll be fucking damned if I end up with a boring life that goes along the lines of wake up, eat, work, sleep, die. And as weird as it sounds coming from me of all people, I need to internalize; I need to turn myself inward so that I stop getting distracted, and I need to let go.
Focus. Breathe. Grit my teeth and GO.
